Thank you everyone for you kind postings from yesterday. Made me shed a tear or two or three.
Okay....now a confession....
I suffer from depression and anxiety "disorder". I have been hospitalized three times for this condition. I now call it "going to camp" when I have to join My People in the loony bin. I am seeing a fantastic therapist (she is an art therapist- how cool is THAT??) and have an awesome psychiatrist who monitors my meds. The condition I suffer from is called "bi-polar with anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies". Most of the time this is under control but is compounded by some deeper life issues that have been haunting me for most of my life. SO. With that said, I come to you to tell you that some days are better than others. I can't really ever tell when it is going to sneak up on me and bite me in the butt but making art is something that is a saving grace.
Here's the deal...I have noticed that those of us who have suffered are the ones who can "go deep" with life. It is the struggle that makes us richer and thicker and heartier and more interesting. Do you know people like this? Are YOU like this? You have bad days but they define the good days. The good days are so much sweeter having known the days that are filled with personal sorrow.
I am learning to pick up what is needed for the day and leave the rest alone. This is hard to do. Being a high achiever is a good thing but a bad thing when exhausted or trying to prove to oneself that you are GOOD or worthy or well or whatever you want to put in that slot.
So today- I may do some art or I may not. I'm not feeling all that great but that is subject to change. It can change at any moment and often does. If you are suffering, know that this will make you richer somewhere along the way. If you are free from that, then do a dance. Breathe deeply and give thanks.
Moving on...
Online fabric designing classes I teach at Quilt University.com (www.quiltuniversity.com)-
- Tea and Spice Dyeing-7/12
- Dyeing Wool-7/26
- Fabric Painting Using Jacquard Textile Paints-8/2
- Dyeing Silk-8/16
- Quilter's Palette-9/6
- Batik-9/20
- Three Unusual Ways to Dye-10/4
- Thick and Thin- 10/18
8 comments:
Marjie, I SO sympathize. I've been battling depression my entire life, and finally found out I was actually bipolar. The good news is that, once I discovered art, my manic phases tended to become much less self-destructive and more productive. There are days when I really wish I didn't "live deep"--when I could just be a "normal" person going about "normal" activities in "normal" ways. Those people seem so content most of the time . . . but then I get over that pretty quickly and I do feel blessed. I've also learned to recognize and live with the rhythms, the highs and the lows, knowing that at any moment things will change for the better or the worse. That helps in the worst moments--just being able to recognize that "this, too, shall pass." Hugs to you.
Marjie said...
The creative act is mysterious. I think I need to post my thoughts again and see what you think...
Marjie, I hope that during the not so great days you will remember that you positively touch so many lives - yes through your teaching - but more because of who you are. A lot of people can teach...fewer can inspire...and even fewer can do both while making us laugh and feel good.
Anxiety and depression are such consuming beasts. I pray that God wraps your precious hurting heart in His hands and holds you extra close until this darkness passes.
Marjie,
you know that you are one of my most favourite people, and that i think you have an extraordinary gift of teaching.
I know these highs and lows which appear out of nowhere.
I wish i could wrap you up in a big hug; but i guess that really doesn't help when you are in the lows.
You are a truly wonderful person,
Anna K.
Marjie. I'll bet you feel so much better just owning your illness. When we own our issues, they seem less burdensome somehow. You are so warm, so creative, so generous and this will carry you through. Plus all of your sistas who will help hold you up. I am a breast cancer survivor. My sistas held me up, held me to their breast and gave me strength I did not know I had.And I learned to let go. Trust. You are a beautiful spirit. It's all ok. xxoo Helen
And isn't it funny.......it was after this life altering experience that I let the creative side of myself loose. Thank you for your part in that. You and Myrna!
M--How blessed we are that you trust us with your darkest moments. Thank you.
You have touched us, and we care so much for you. I thank you for the gift you give us to create and to keep going even when you don't think you can.
My sistas are much more eloquent than I, but we all keep you in our prayers and our hearts.
Lee
My sistas and
My dear Marjie,
I symathize with both you and Michele. I too have battled depression for most of my life (since age 10). I also have anxiety at times, and since moving and needing to get a new psychiatrist, I filled out a bipolar continuum questionnaire that indicated that I had a mild form of bipolar as well. I don't have extreme manic phases, but I do have highs and lows. Like Michele, I often wish I was "normal" (whatever that may be). But then I think I wouldn't be very interesting.
Are you by any chance familiar with Kay Redfield Jamison? If not, you may enjoy reading "An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness". I read this a number of years ago and found it very interesting. She wrote "the textbook" on bipolar disorder and suffers from this herself. She bacame a psychiatrist. She also wrote "Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament", which I have not read, and see that she has a book that I didn't know about called "Exuberance: The Passion for Life" which might be good.
It is drag going through the low periods. Keeping myself busy helps, as does physical exercise. And I think art is very therapeutic! Also, I do believe in God although sometimes my faith is not very strong. But I do believe that it is God who helps me through this.
I'll close by repeating part of an eloquent statement by Heather: may God hold you close and bathe you in His Healing Love.
Kristin in SC
Kristin and all-
Thank you for your love and support. Every day I am learning about this brain of mine and also learning how to "..be still and know that I am God". The books look great. I will check them out soon.
Hello Marjie,
It is Carol from Oregon, and your Basic Dying class.
I was looking for your blog on straining red dye when I stumbled on your blog regarding your bi-polar. It touched me deeply because I have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember and am now dealing with bladder cancer. Your class has been a God Send for me as I am undergoing Immunoligical therapy for the cancer and doing the class at the same time.
It has really helped having your class to look forward to.
I want to thank you for your help, sense of humor and willingness to share your knowledge and talent and your self.
God Bless you Marjie...
Carol in Oregon
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